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8 Signs You are a Perfectionist

I had recently graduated from college and was sitting in the interview for my first real professional job post-college. I was nervous beyond my wildest dreams because this job was the first step to actually beginning my career and realizing my dreams. Like anyone trying to make a positive impression at a job interview, I spent several days preparing for it. I looked up countless interview questions, read reviews on job boards of the company, and even spoke to friends who had worked there. I truly felt prepared. 

When the interview came, I felt I did well. I was quickly providing thoughtful responses to my interviewers’ questions. Although they were trying to hide their facial expression, I could tell behind the small smirk on their faces that my answers consistently resonated with them. However, there was one question that I had prepared for but was hoping they didn’t ask. The question? “What would I consider my weakness”. 

In preparation for the interview, I thought long and hard about this question but knew the answer. I finally admitted to myself and said in the interview “I tend to be a perfectionist”. When these words came out of my mouth, my interviewers seemed perplexed. Maybe it is because they interpreted my answer as “humblebrag”. Like I was saying “I just achieve so much that all my achievements get in the way”. But, What I was really saying was “perfectionism sometimes gets in the way of my ability to achieve or do anything at all”.

What I knew to be true that my interviewers were missing is that on the surface perfectionism can seem positive and even helpful. If it is used in moderation this indeed can be true. For example, perfectionists can be hardworking and detailed oriented.  But what I have come to realize in my own life and studying perfectionism, is that perfectionists rarely do things in moderation. Instead, they feel the need to have more, do more, and be more. 

In my book Hello, Purpose, I shared how I was fueled by many of the traits that other perfectionist are as well. I felt that I had to do every little thing right. If I didn’t? I would find my inner critic quickly rising up reminding me of every single detail that went wrong. 

I wish I could tell you that my perfectionism immediately stopped after that interview, but unfortunately it didn’t. I would go on to overthink email after email before I pressed send. Talk myself out of making new friends because I thought they probably didn’t want to hang out with me anyway. Or worse, I would say something so embarrassing that I would “never” be able to socially recover. Likewise, I struggled to try new things professionally to advance my career because I feared coming across as incompetent to my peers. So if there was a chance that I would not be able to do it perfectly and be the best, I would not apply for it despite being qualified. And in an effort to avoid making mistakes, I wouldnt even try. Yet, at the same time, I would set impossibly high standards that no one could meet, but beat myself about still not meeting them.  

Any of this sound familiar? 

So what is perfectionism anyway? 

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection ( a must read! Linked here) Brene Brown says “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” Perfectionism tricks us into believing that our achievements will determine our self-worth. Brown goes on to say that “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.” Perfectionism can not only hinder your present but also cause serious issues in the future. 

You might be thinking, “Cherese, what are some signs of perfectionist” . See below for 8 signs that you might be a perfectionist. 

1.You are Brutally Hard on Yourself 

It is one thing to have high standards, but the standards you set are not just high but IMPOSSIBLE. Yet, you beat yourself up for not hitting them

2. You Overthink Everything 

When you struggle with perfectionism, you work hard to make sure that you do not make mistakes and do things perfectly. Because of this, you overthink everything in order to make sure that you make the “right” decision. You might even find yourself second guessing decisions you have already made as well. Tired of overthinking everything? Grab my free workbook Goodbye Overthinking here. 

3. You Fear Failure 

You feel that if you fail you will no longer be accepted so you have to be perfect .

4. You Procrastinate 

Many people misunderstand those that procrastinate and assume that they do it because they are lazy. However, those who struggle with perfectionism procrastinate because they do not think they can do that thing perfectly.  

5. You are a People Pleaser 

You fear disappointing others and letting them down so much that you feel the need to always please them. However, in the possess you many times let yourself down disregarding your own needs

6. You Think in Terms of All or Nothing Thinking 

 You see things in absolutes you are either a success or a failure. This leaves no room for embracing the journey and progress made 

7. You are Highly Critical of Yourself and Others 

You find yourself quickly criticizing yourself for every little mistake made. You do this because you feel that you are defined by each of your flaws and failures. You then project these impossibly high standards on others and are hard on them/critical just like you are yourself.

8. Your Self worth is Determined by Your Achievements 

You constantly feel that you must earn or prove your worth. Unfortunately, even when you do succeed, those that struggle with perfectionism are never satisfied. 

Do you recognize any of the perfectionism traits in your own life? Perfectionism can hold us back from aligning with the things that really matter in our life. If you are ready to take the first step to address your perfectionism, grab my free workbook on how to stop overthinking everything.